gnarnews

Mar 24, 2009

Gnarence, KS - Whale based ultimate team, "Gnarwhal," will set a landmark this weekend by scoring their one millionth point at the 28th Annual Foolsfest tournament in Lawrence, KS. This should occur somewhere around the third game. Post tournament on Saturday, they will celebrate by drinking all of the beer at the tournament party. "Its nice to see Gnarwhal pass the millie mark, as Lil Wayne might say," comments Tom Atchity, Zontals alum and fellow beer drinker. "I look forward to them reverting to what they do best, playing slightly better then Ding Wop and drinking lots and lots of beer." Keep your eyes on Ben Busiek for both events.

Teen heart throb Nick Sanchez will also be making his season debut. "I just want to play as hard as I can to bring awareness of the Gnarwhal's plight to a national level." Sanchez said, on the record. "The President gave an address about the economy tonight, well where is the Gnarwhal stimulus? I think I heard a stat that ponzi schemes are pulled on Gnarwhal's more often than humans receive calls from telemarketers, or more often then they get stuck between icebergs." For more on the Gnarwhal's tendency to commit suicide, please refer to the shegnarnigans section of this website.

Team "dickhead" Brian Lucido will be making a dick move by not playing with Gnarwhal this weekend, but rather, the less fun and less whaley team Small Packages. Brian had one message for Gnarwhal, "Gnarwhal: Prepare for your final loss of the season." Tim Hoarty will be taking Brian's place, forming the CroHamHo dominator.

Tournament results will be here: http://www.upa.org/scores/tourn.cgi?div=20&id=5820

Mar 14-15, 2009

Springnarfield, MO - Central region heavyweights, "Gnarwhal," vie for a cash prize of $200 at Frostbite only to fail, albeit not too miserably. Also, they had minimal representation at the party citing labial injuries.

Possible reasons for not taking first place are: 1. Pity for Dave Karsten, 2. Pity for Karl Doege, or 3. Self pity. Given the nature of the Gnarwhal, the third reason is most viable.

The cash prize that was in contention would have been used for Gnarwhal awareness brochures, and monogrammed, embroidered towels for our roster. We are still pursuing other financing options. More to come later.

Jan 19, 2009

Des Moines, IA - Gnarwhal is getting conditioned for the season by watching documentaries and drinking protein shakes. More to come later.

Sept 22, 2008

Gnarwhal takes second at the west plains sectionals for a bid to regionals! Gnarwhal is going to regionals baby! Click here for more info!